Anonymous asked: Honestly I think you sharing your story with others is a very powerful thing. I love, love, LOVE that you put emphasis on the fact that your initial decision was YOUR choice--and I extend my condolences for your miscarriage.

Thank you. I am very lucky and have the best support system. That’s the only reason I feel strong enough to share my story. I think it helps others know that they aren’t the only one thinking that way. I didn’t always valued the life that I was making, and it took me weeks to make the choice and keep it. But once that moment hit me, I knew that there were other women who were making a different decision, and I respect them so much for that. 

It was always MY CHOICE and that the way it should ALWAYS be.

My miscarriage happened one day shy of 10 weeks. I was going to change my life for my baby and I was going to have to bust my ass everyday to give my child the best life possible. 

Wanna know the kicker? At a test that would have happened at 12-14 weeks (if I would have gotten that far) I would have been told my baby would die before it was born. I could have gotten all the way to the end of the pregnancy and miscarried. The moment I would have found out that my chances of carrying my baby to term were less than 15% I would have aborted. Or that even if I had my child It wouldn’t have lived to be three days old before it passed.

I got lucky because I wasn’t the one that made the choice. But now sitting and thinking about the fact that I WOULD have chosen that option for me, I feel no guilt. I would make that choice even now. 

My baby isn’t in heaven, she had no soul. How can you judge my morality if I do not use what you use to base it on? My life would have been hard, and I would have struggled everyday. I as willing to do that because I was making the choice too, but I do not judge those women who choose differently. It is a decision that is hard enough to make without people judging and causing un-needed guilt.

I honestly believe that no one knows which choice that they would make unless they were actually faced with the decision. 

I woke up stunned and confused. My first reaction was to start crying. Over the 3 people saying my name I hear one familiar voice, “Jewel, we finished, you did great. It’s okay to cry. You don’t have to hide that you’re upset.”

My Dr had just finished my D&C to remove my baby, and he was trying to comfort me.

It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on, where my mother was, and why I was so dizzy. I had been asleep for almost 3 hours, and couldn’t shake the anesthesia as fast as I wanted too. I lost a lot of blood, and the Dr had put my recovery nurse on high alert. She had to check me every 5 minutes to see how much blood there was.

My baby is going to have karyotyping done to see why she died, to see if it is something that can be prevented later. My heart is broken, and I am unsure as to when I will be okay. My Dr must have sensed that since he advised my mother that I shouldn’t be left alone for long periods of time for an entire week. Postpartum watch here we go.

choices88:

Pro-choice people sympathize, offer help and advice, and even just want to listen.

Pro-life people talk down to me, tell me I am an awful person, and criticize me and the choices I am making in my life.

Just because I am pro-choice does not mean I have no morality, no soul.

So If you are a pro-lifer trying to ‘save my soul’ please stop, because I will never see the world the way you do.

Agreed