1. Eight weeks

    It has been eight whole weeks. I cannot believe I have made it this far. My baby died eight weeks ago, and I am so much further along than I thought I would be. I would have found out if you were a boy or a girl this week, I would have shared the news with everyone that I love. Unfortunately I found out you were a little girl, and it was because you were a girl you passed away. I love you so much, and it is a hard love to explain.

    I am so thankful for those people I have in my life, and I wouldn’t be okay without them. These last eight weeks have shown me how strong I am, and how strong I have the potential to be.

    Now just to tackle the HUGE art ‘block’ I have and try to make something…

     


  2. I got my karyotyping back..

    My baby died of :

    Turner Syndrome 

    Definition

    Turner syndrome is a chromosomal disorder affecting females wherein one of the two X-chromosomes is defective or completely absent.

    Description

    Chromosomes are structures in the nucleus of every cell in the human body. Chromosomes contain the genetic information necessary to direct the growth and normal functioning of all cells and systems of the body. A normal individual has a total of 46 chromosomes in each cell, two of which are responsible for determining gender. Normally, females have two X-chromosomes and males have one X and one Y-chromosome.
    In Turner syndrome, an error occurring very early in development results in an abnormal number and arrangement of chromosomes. Most commonly, an individual with Turner syndrome will be born with 45 chromosomes in each cell rather than 46. The missing chromosome is an X-chromosome. The affected person is always female.
    The prevalence of Turner syndrome is widely reported as being approximately one per 2,000 live female births, although researchers have reported prevalence rates that range from one in 3,125 to one in 5,000 live female births.
    About 1% to 2% of all female conceptions have a missing X-chromosome. Of these, the majority (99%) spontaneously abort, usually during the first trimester of pregnancy. With ultrasound being used more frequently, researchers have realized that some pregnancies with a missing X-chromosome that progress into the second trimester are associated with nuchal cysts, severe lymphedema, or hydrops fetalis. These pregnancies are associated with a high frequency of fetal death.
     


  3. Day 4

    Going out into the world for the first time since surgery last week. So far it’s been good to me. I have some of the most amazing people in my life, and they are more than I deserve.

    I will always carry my loss with me, because this one was a small part of me, but i decided to look on her short life as a blessing. In the short 9 weeks I carried her I learned that she was not a burden, but something I can cherish. I truly love her, more everyday, because she showed me what real love is. That makes me lucky.

     


  4. I swear if I hear someone say “I hope you lose your baby” I will kill them myself.

    How dare you wish this pain on anyone.